All that is me…

Just another weblog

My trip to London and Wales

I arrived at Gatwick airport, completely exhausted but excited at the same time. It had been over two months since I had seen Jay.

Going through immigration was frightening and just about had me in tears. Upon my arrival at the counter the agent proceeded to ask me several questions and had I not goofed up on answering the question “when did you meet” all would have been fine. However, this was not the case. Because of all the confusion with having to tell the government we met earlier than what we actually did I thought it would be a good idea to tell the officer this as well. But then she tricked me and subtly asked the same question again to which my response was the truth. It was one of those hand to face moments.

After answering a few more questions and having the officer completely invade every last ounce of privacy I thought I had she called Jay, confirmed the details I gave her and sent me on my way. What a relief that was!

Upon seeing Jay I just about cried because I was so happy to be with him again. We ran to each other sort of like they do in the movies and hugged and kissed and then got on our way to the car.

Our first stop was to the hotel he had stayed at the night before, so I could have a quick shower and refresh myself before heading out for a long day of sight seeing in London.

The drive over to the hotel was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was like something out of a book with gorgeous green trees overhanging the road and quiet little streets that you would otherwise believe were never driven on.

Once we were finished at the hotel and all packed up and ready to go we made our way over to a car park about 20 minutes outside London so we wouldn’t have to worry about the car or paying for parking.

We hopped onto the tube to find out our train would only take us so far and then we’d have to catch a bus the rest of the way into London. I didn’t mind this one bit because it meant I got to experience a true to life, double decker bus.

When we finally made it into London, our first stop was to Leicester Square where I was amazed and flabbergasted by the green grass, pigeons and sprinklers. It was like spring had crept right past Canada and gone straight to England. The second thing I noticed was the architecture and the third was all the people and the fact that the majority were speaking different languages. That was something I didn’t really plan on experiencing, but I guess London is a pretty popular tourist attraction.

As we strolled through the streets we decided to have a quick look see of Picadilly Circus. It was almost like all the pictures I’d ever seen, but different because now I was seeing it in real life.

Once we had made our way through Picadilly Circus we headed over to Covent Garden where again, I was amazed by the amount of people all collected in one area. There were street performers everywhere, similar to what you’d see if you ever visit Vegas. Covent Garden has a nice little market and several great restaurants to dine at. We made the obvious choice of The Maple Leaf for lunch.

After lunch we felt suitably nourished and energized so we hopped back on the tube and got off at the closest stop to the London Eye.

We found some interesting street entertainers on our walk over, but the most interesting and confusing of all was a bald man, who was walking around balancing a black cue ball on his head. I wish I could have taken a picture. His motives baffle me because he wasn’t asking for money, nor did he dress so as to stick out, he was just an average guy, walking around with a ball on his head.

The line up for the London Eye was intimidating. We thought we might end up there for hours, but much to our surprise we were through and to the front in a mere 20 minutes or so. The views from the Eye are spectacular. The only problem with it is there are so many people crammed into one pod that it’s quite difficult to snap a good picture or two.

Once we had finished with the Eye, we took a quick little break on the Embankment, grabbed a drink, and sat while we admired passers by. I don’t believe there was a single local there. The walk way was covered with tourists. And this was on a Sunday. You’d never find that in Canada unless Canada day happened to fall on a Sunday, or maybe the Stanley Cup game.

When our little breather was over we walked up the street about a block and a half to listen to Big Ben chime the afternoon hour of 3:00. Listening to it was like experiencing a little piece of history.

Next stop on our little sight seeing trip was Buckingham Palace… the one place my family knows of in England. The walk up to the palace was beautiful because you could walk through a park lined with a large variety of birds, massive ancient trees and a quaint little stream.

When we finally made it to the palace we noticed the flag was up and that meant the Queen was in. I often think my privacy is violated with people constantly coming through our house trying to decide if they could make a life in it, but to have an entire flag dedicated just to me being at home would be much worse.

After a long day of seeing the sights we were exhausted so we jumped back onto the tube, found a bus, got into the car and drove the 4 hours it takes to get to Swansea. Well, I didn’t drive, and thank God for that because I didn’t do the greatest job of staying awake. Poor Jay. He did great though… got us home safe and sound.

The next day I felt so well rested I was all too excited to get up and get back at it. After a nice hot shower and a quick bite of breakfast we drove over to Tesco so I could check out the largest grocery store in the world! When we got there I forgot what I was doing and ended up going in, buying a few packs of Nurofen and then leaving. Oops.

We had a bit of time to kill before having to go to Morriston for Jays appointment with the job agency, so we make a stop into Costa where I had a fabulous hot chocolate and Jay discovered the most gorgeous cupcake you’ve ever seen and a beautifully decorated latte.

Since Jay had to attend this meeting with the job agency solo I decided to do a little investigating on my own. I walked down the street a short way until I found a small alley way that looked as if it were a painting. Whilst walking down this alley I found a cute little pat with a stone wall covered in greenery which brought me up to the towns church. I took a few pictures of the churches breath taking architecture and then proceeded to check out a few little shops before having to meet Jay again.

When we were all finished up in Morriston, we took a drive into Swansea to check out Wind St. and have a bite to eat. Jay suggested a place called the Bank Statement which I found slightly humorous since we work for a bank. The food was delicious and this was my first ever experience with real chips. I can see now why they say you just can’t find chips in Canada because you really can’t. We don’t have anything quite like them.

After lunch we stopped in at the marina to check out all the boats and the gorgeous beach. We strolled alongside the ocean as Jay watched me pick up shells, dust them off (or so I thought) and toss them into my purse.

Following our trip to the marina and the beach, we drove along the shore and into mumbles to see the lighthouse, Castellamares, and have the most delicious ice cream as well as pick up a few small souvenirs. It seemed as if everywhere I went the scenery just kept getting prettier and prettier as I went along. Every new place was ever so slightly more beautiful than the last.

That being said, our last stop of the day was to the Gower, otherwise known as Worms Head. The view was out of this world! I was speechless and still am.

We returned home that night, sat down for a nice home cooked meal with Jays mom an Nana and then turned in early as once again, we had a very long day and had done and seen so much.

Day 3 brought lots of excitement and wonderful new adventures. We started our day by taking a trip into Carmarthen to have some lunch at Jays all time favourite Chip shop. On the walk from the car to the restaurant I got a chance to see the church where Jays parents were married and he was baptised and I discovered a castle, nestled into the corner of the town. After a little exploring we finally made our way over to Morgans. Now, I thought the chips I had the day before at the Bank Statement were good, but these chips were even better! Again, I had a chicken burger with them, but the chips far out preformed the chicken… and it’s not too often something can outdo chicken for me.

We finished lunch in no time flat and then took a bit more of a walk through the town to visit the market where Jay bought me my beautiful, celtic ring which I now wear on the middle finger of my right hand. I look at it every day and think of him and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful person in my life.

We had been in Carmarthen for a while now and it was time to go into Ferryside to meet Gran. As I walked into her kitchen I was shocked to see how tiny and adorable she was. Her first words to me were “she’s my size” though to be honest I felt like a giant. She’s the sweetest old lady I’ve ever met and I found it adorable that she referred to me as “the lady.”

After our visit we went over to Ferryside beach, and again, Jay watched as I picked up some shells. We made it a bit of a short day and went home to have pizza and watch a movie.

The next day we woke up a little earlier than usual and headed out to Newport to meet Jasons sister, Gemma. We picked Gem up from school and headed into Newport to grab some lunch. And, as expected, chicken and chips was what we had.

When we were finished lunch we brought Gemma back to the school where she brought us to the pub to buy us a drink. I had never seen the similarities between Jason and Gemma before, but now, sitting there with the two of them, watching them play on the computer, it became very obvious that they were siblings.

On our way home from Newport we stopped in Caerphilly to check out Wales’ largest castle. It was surrounded by birds that I was informed were far stronger than me and a moat which I’m assuming was their version of barb wire fencing. The castle was closed, so we didn’t get to go in, but we were able to walk around the entire perimeter and get a glimpse from just about every angle.

That night, we decided to have dinner at the Old Inn where we each had chicken, but in different sauces and again with chips.

Thursday was by far one of the most amazing days (though all of them were quite fantastic). We made a trip into Tenby which was about an hour west of Swansea. Tenby is an area in which many people own cottages and I’m told that if I were to have visited in the summer it would have taken forever to get into town due to all the traffic. Apparently it’s a pretty popular place and I can completely understand why. The beaches are unlike any other, the view will simply leave you speechless and the town is adorable. Every house is painted in its’ own unique colour which gives it a ton of character. But the beaches were my favourite part of Tenby. From Castle beach you can see St. Catherines Island with its’ old, crumbled castle atop, and then when you walk around North Beach, you get a great view of all the colourful homes. And of course since there was beach, I naturally looked for shells, though this time didn’t take as many home. I figured I probably had a beach full to bring back by now and that I should probably leave some for the rest of the people. We walked along the water line and listened to the waves crashing in and ran as the water came in to meet our feet.

Thursday night was what we decided would be our special night out together. We went to the most fantastic restaurant in mumbles called Castellamares. It had enchanting views of the lighthouse and served delicious dishes. We sat side by side as we picked out our meals and enjoyed every last bite while glaring out the window at the lighthouse.

Friday was a bit of a sad day, we did lots of wonderful things, but it was also the day I had to leave to go back to London so I could catch my flight early on Saturday morning.

We started our day by going for lunch with Angela (Jasons mom) and Nana. After lunch, we dropped Angela and Nana off back at home, grabbed my bags and headed for a quick trip into Bath.

While in Bath, we visited Bath Alley where the Roman Baths were housed. The architecture was enthralling. It all dated back to when the Romans were still around. We also spent some time walking around and checking out the little shops and then headed over to take a quick look at the weir. Unfortunately we couldn’t stay long as we still had a long trip ahead to get into London, but I felt so lucky to be able to see a town so rich in history.

We expected the drive into London to be a very long, drawn out process. The signs kept telling us there was some major traffic ahead. They were right, but it wasn’t as bad as they made it seem. We still made it into London at a decent time and that was with stops along the way and hitting traffic twice on our Journey. We even had time to relax at the hotel before going to meet Andrew and Anna.

Meeting all the people I did on this trip was a wonderful experience and truly helped me to understand Jason and who he is as well as why he is the way he is. (That was far too many is’s in one sentence). Getting the chance to meet Andrew and Anna meant the world to me as it isn’t every day I get the chance to sit down with my boyfriends’ best friend.

Falling asleep that night was difficult. We were both sad and not wanting the trip to end. I wanted so badly to be able to stay and experience more of this wonderful country, but real life had to go on.

We got to the airport, checked in, then sat down at a café to have a drink together before I had to leave. Our final time together flew by much quicker than I would have liked it to. I would have given anything to freeze time and stay with him for just a few more hours.

As much as I’m not happy to be home, I am eternally thankful for the trip of a life time and being able to experience that trip with the one person I love most in the world.

Thank you Jay!

I love you forever and for always! xxx

P.S. Poke! lol

Can anybody hear me?

Can anybody hear me?
I scream,
But my voice falls upon deaf ears.
I talk,
And backs are turned.
I whisper,
But it’s not loud enough.
So I scream again,
But my voice falls upon deaf ears.

A letter to an unknown friend.

January 30, 2010
Unknown Friend
1234 Somewhere Place
Anytown, State ZIP

Dear  Unknown Friend,
There is something you must know about me.
When we first meet you are going to like me.
You will think I’m someone I may not really be.
You’ll want to be around me, in my presence, but not really understand why.
You will try and try to keep the friendship going,
But eventually I’ll try to hide.
I won’t answer phone calls or texts.
And when you invite me somewhere I’ll tell you I’m broke, or sick or even that I have to go to a family function.
None of this will be true.
I’m going to push you away.
That’s just what I do.
I don’t want to let anyone else in, yet I envy those people.
The ones with all those friends who spend all their time out on the town.
They like taking pictures of their adventures.
I want to be like them.
But I just won’t allow it.
There’s been too much hurt.
I don’t want to trust again.
Spend all my energy on someone when I could be spending it on myself.
That’s silly.  Selfish, but silly.
I wonder if I’ll overcome this some day?
Don’t take it personally.
It’s not just you.
Others too, have suffered the heartache of my isolation techniques.
I’m sorry.
Life will go on.
Just without me.

Sincerely yours,
Megan Weber

Passive Agressive Notes

I am soooo loving this site!  For the longest time I’ve thought all the irritability I have pent up inside me just wasn’t right.  I thought I was different.  I have so desperately wanted to voice my thoughts but have refrained for the simple fact that it often leads to arguments or heightened conversations.  This is a page that displays the works of people like me who had that pent up irritability but were not afraid to voice their opinions and thoughts.  They’ve done what I’ve always wanted to do, but have been afraid to.  Kudos to you all!!  You are my heroes!

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Family Matters

My new motto is it’s all about me.

I’ll no longer listen to what they have to say.  I will not change who I am for them.  If there is going to be any change it will be for me.

I will do what makes me happy.  I will control my own destiny.

If they won’t be there to support me and love me for who I am then they may as well not bother with me at all.

I will live in my own world, one which is run by reality and not by their candy coated shit.

This isn’t to say I will stop loving or supporting them, but I refuse to put up with the mind games anymore.

I will be sad when I want to be sad and happy when I want to be happy.

I control me.

Don’t Stop Believing

It just had to go here!

A special song near and dear to my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip1zsUIosoA

My favourite quotes

“You can close your eyes to what you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to what you don’t want to feel” – Unknown

“There are nights I can’t remember, and friends I’ll never forget” – Toby Keith

“A friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein

“One of the most valuable things we can do to heal one another is listen to each other’s stories” – Rebecca Falls

“Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console. To be understood as to understand.” – St. Francis of Assisi

“The key to success is getting ahead, but not a big one” – Unknown

“No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride” – Unknown

“Temper gets you into trouble, pride keeps you there” – Unknown

“After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box” – Unknown

“Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think” – Unknown

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein

“When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.” – Helen Keller

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce”

“We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?”

“I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a lot rockier than this. Are we thinkin’ the same thing? That John Denver is full of shit man!” – Dumb and Dumber

101 in 1001

I almost forgot I had this so I’m revisiting it now and measuring my success.

Here they are:

1. Decorate my room in a forestesque type way.
2. Finish autobiography.
3. Make a home video for fam and friends.
4. Make a calendar for family for Christmas.
5. Start oil and gas course at SAIT.
6. Buy a new car.

7. Go back to the cottage.
8. Learn ACCESS
9. Start saving for a MAC
10. Go on a vacation somewhere sunny.
11. Get a high paying job.
12. Buy a condo/house.
13. Learn how to quilt.
14. Make a blanket.
15. Exercise more.
16. Finish reading Harry Potter.
17. Finish ASIP course.
18. Write a letter to every best friend.
19. Get eyes checked.

20. Get knee better.
21. Get my boating licence.
22. Do a business plan for my own side business.
23. Study 5 other religions.
24. Get better at tennis.
25. Go to the spa 3 times. (2)
26. Go to market 3 times.
(2)
27. Make 2 new friends.
28. Make personalized Christmas Cards.
29. Finish my recipe cook book.
30. Write 5 poems.
31. Get into the habit of using only cloth bags for grocery shopping.
32. Improve photography technique.
33. Donate to a charity.
34. Pay off credit card.
35. Learn papermaking.
36. Learn pottery wheel.
37. Make my home greener.
38. Eat more organic foods.
39. Catalog books (In progress)
40. Catalog DVD’s
41. Catalog CD’s
42. Save $3000 for vacation.
43. Book vacation.
44. Write 10 blog entries.
45. Work on family tree book.
46. Sort moms pics. (In progress)
47. Put them into albums.
48. Volunteer somewhere for at least 2 hours.
49. Send a just because package to a friend.
50. Host a party.
51. Go to church.
52. Fly a kite.
53. Post 2 book reviews.
54. Submit opinion piece to a newspaper.
55. Get passport renewed.
56. Visit Glenbow museum.
57. Obtain two pieces of art.
58. Do a sisters only get away.
59. See 2 plays.
60. Upload pics from younger years.
61. Do 26 things project. (sh1ft.org/26things)
62. Make pickles.
63. Try 10 new recipes. (5)
64. Pay dad back.
65. Get real green tea from Chinatown.
66. Get a new tattoo.
67. Work on old friendships.
68. Throw out things I haven’t needed in a year.
69. Make a loaf of bread.
70. Attend a festival.
71. Make a crochet doll.
72. Change my cell plan.
73. Clean my computer.
74. Back up photos.
75. Listen to two books on tape. (1)
76. Make a family postcard.
77. Get good shoes for work.
78. Do yoga once a week for a month.
79. Get a magazine subscription for 6 months.
80. Watch Sex and the City DVD’s
81. Watch CSI DVD’s
82. Watch Family Guy DVD’s
83. Watch Astroboy DVD’s
84. Buy a fire proof lock box.
85. Learn basics of photoshop.
86. Fix all my clothes with holes.
87. Learn 20 new words.
88. Re-start RSP or start new investment.
89. Get rid of garage junk.
90. Pick out fabric for a new quilt.
91. Do 10 new drawings. (4)
92. Learn to surf.
93. Collect something that will hold more value in 25 years.
94. Keep photo journal of progress of this list. (In progress)
95. Crochet 10 scarves to give to charity.
96. Start a chain letter.
97. Get a small pet.
98. Find a place to set up greenhouse and set it up.
99. Go to New Zealand or Australia.
100. Go somewhere new in Canada.
101. Make a new list.

Thank you

You were right. When you said they all come back and thank you for teaching them I didn’t believe it. Now I want to come back and thank you too. Thank you. I now know I deserve better. I know I am normal. I’ve learned it’s ok to expect more. It’s ok to be me and live the way I want to live. I know this now because you showed me the opposite of it all. You locked me up. You hid me from the world because I’m sure you knew how much better I could do in the light.

So I’ve done it. Just like I told you I would.

Use your head!

I’ve always wondered why I’m so easily irritated by stupid people. Why should it really matter? Well, someone so kindly pointed it out to me once a few months ago. I define stupid as having the ability to do something and not doing it or using that ability.

I dedicated 7 years of my life to working with people who have disabilities. I connected with them and understood them and often wished I was allowed to form friendships with them. I get what it’s like to not have what everyone else does because I’m reminded of it daily. So when you do have something I believe you should use it to it’s full potential.

So when it comes to dealing with people who are fully functional in every sense of the word and I watch them miuse and abuse their talents it angers me! Often people don’t realize just how lucky they are to be healthy and have a “normal” brain.

Now I know I’m not always brilliant and can often be ignorant, but I’m fully aware of these moments (maybe with the exception of the ignorant ones) in my life and I’m constantly putting the effort in to use my intelligence and show I have it.

If you have it, use it! Don’t abuse it because someday you might lose it.

Hot

Call me a dork, but I just absolutely love this song!

Ah, ah ah
You’re so good to me baby, baby

I wanna lock you up in my closet when no one’s around
I wanna put your hand in my pocket because you’re allowed
I wanna drive you into the corner and kiss you without a sound
I wanna stay this way forever I’ll say it loud

Now you’re in, and you can’t get out

[Chorus]
You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
It’s so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You’re so fabulous
You’re so good to me baby, baby
You’re so good to me baby, baby

I can make you feel all better, just take it in
And I can show you all the places you’ve never been
And I can make you say everything that you’ve never said
And I will let you do anything again and again

Now you’re in, and you can’t get out

[Chorus]

Kiss me gently
Always I know
Hold me, love me
Don’t ever go
Ooh, yeah yeah

[Chorus X2]

You’re so good

Hold It In

It starts at my core and eats it’s way through. I fight to overcome it. I yearn to control it. It consumes me. Bit by bit, I can feel it surfacing. Not much longer now… The “what if’s” and the “how come’s” recycle themselves. Where did I go wrong? I remember it all too well. Getting closer… Can’t I make it stop? Shouldn’t I know better? Here it comes… the first tear, followed by the next. Then the anger. That’s the worst part. I must internalize, but still find my outlet. Not much longer, and it will all be gone. Regain the power, the confidence, the trust. And it’s done.

Relief.

You money-grubbers!

The majority of people have the perception that all bankers and banks are simply out to get everyone’s money. I often hear the statement “you money-grubbers!” So I’m then lead to wonder why you wouldn’t just educate yourself if this is truly what you believe? If you did so you may actually find that when you manage your account properly you may actually get paid to have accounts with banks. I know… I’ve done my research.

When I believe something to be true I always take the time to put a bit of research into it so I don’t sound like an idiot when I make assumptions. Because we all know what the word assume means…

So the next time you decide to insult someone or something take a bit of time to educate your ignorant brain. You’re only making yourself look like an idiot.

Camping

One of my all time favourite things to do is camp. There’s something so wonderful about man vs nature and the fight to survive.

Now, when I say camping I don’t mean using those massive machines with comfy beds, a bathroom and a sink. No no. I’m talkin’ roughin’ it to the core. Well, maybe not the core, but close enough. The only luxuries I take with me are my air mattress and a lighter. Cooking happens on the fire and dishes happen with the closest source of water you can find.

I prep for my camping trips days in advance simply out of habit. These are some sights I find useful when doing so…

http://www.camping-canada.com/camping_checklist_e.htm (I don’t always use everything on this checklist, but it gives me a base to start from)

http://www.lovetheoutdoors.com/camping/Recipes.htm (this site has some great, simple recipes!)

http://www.pc.gc.ca/pn-np/ab/banff/visit/visit9_E.asp (Used for site booking in the rockies)

If you’re not going to prep in any way then the one thing I suggest having no matter what is a good blade. You’ll be surprised at how many uses one of these has.

Now if you really really want to rough it I suggest watching Survivorman. He taught me all I know about surviving in the wild… plus it provides for some wonderful entertainment!

You don’t know, I won’t let you see me.

Before these shadows stole the beat of my heart.
Before you lit a candle.
When my soul was overcome with fear.
I was something/someone else.
There was no way out, I had given up.
My facade was concealed.
The face you look at.
The smile.
My eyes.
Disguised to avert your attention from the miscreation.
I tell my heart to forget.
Helpless and alone, I had dug my own grave.
I am who I am.
I remain unseen.
The eternal barrier yet to be broken down.
A craving so deep yet unfulfilled.
I hide in fear.
Maybe one day you’ll find me.